Dealing with Guilt When Moving a Loved One Into Aged Care
Recognising guilt, grief, and a sense of loss is a normal part of transitioning a loved one into aged care. If you’re feeling torn or overwhelmed, you're not alone, and accepting outside help doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Why Guilt Arises
As a primary carer, especially for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia, yuou might feel guilty because of:
- Placing your loved one into aged care
- Not being able to keep them at home longer
- Breaking promises like “I’ll always look after you”
- Feeling embarrassed by dementia-related behaviors
- Past moments of anger or lost patience
- No longer feeling capable of providing full-time care
Understanding That These Feelings Are Normal
These emotions are entirely valid. Many carers reach a point where their loved one needs 24/7 professional support, sometimes in residential facilities with dementia-specific care. Admitting this doesn’t signify failure - it reflects love and responsibility.
Pathways to Peace and Healing
1. Reframe Your Perspective
Recognise that choosing professional care often provides safety, routine, and specialised support that’s tough to maintain at home.
2. Seek Support & Share Experiences
Talking with others - counsellors, support groups, or fellow caregivers - can help you process guilt. According to Australian carers, guilt is common but manageable:
“They often feel guilty about ‘are they doing the right thing?’” - Carer’s Australia CEO Annabel Reid
Alzheimer’s Society readers in the UK also emphasize that guilt eases with time, and that professional care can be “the kindest thing” you can do for someone with dementia.
3. Practice Self-Compassion & Self-Care
Give yourself permission to rest, recharge, and let go of “shoulds.” Articles emphasize:
- Guilt often stems from unrealistic expectations.
- Taking care of yourself isn't selfish - it’s necessary for healthy caregiving.
4. Stay Connected
Even after moving your loved one into care, small gestures - visits, photos, familiar comforts - remind them and you that your bond remains strong.
5. Educate Yourself
Understanding dementia and care options helps make confident, informed decisions—especially when perfection is out of reach.
How Aged Care Online Can Support You
- Use our Residential Aged Care search tools to explore suitable homes with dementia-friendly services.
- Access free, personalised shortlists tailored to your needs - designed to help you make decisions with confidence and peace of mind.
FAQs
-
Is it normal to feel guilty when placing someone in aged care?
Absolutely - these feelings are common and understandable. -
How can I stop feeling guilty?
Support groups, reframing the decision as an act of care, and self-compassion are key. -
What can make the transition easier for both of us?
Personalising their new space (photos, familiar items) and staying involved helps preserve connection.
Search for home care in:
- Australian Capital Territory
- New South Wales
- Northern Territory
- Queensland
- South Australia
- Tasmania
- Victoria
- Western Australia
Search for residential aged care in:
- Australian Capital Territory
- New South Wales
- Northern Territory
- Queensland
- South Australia
- Tasmania
- Victoria
- Western Australia
Need help finding an aged care home?
My Care Path's aged care coordinators and placement specialists will help you find the best options tailored to your needs. Get a personalised shortlist, and make an informed decision with confidence.
Call 1300 197 230
Article posted:Jun 20, 2019 Category: Making the decision
